If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
