The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The best revenge is premature balding
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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