Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
