No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
