can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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