I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize