I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
