dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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