He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
