So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
