woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
