Acid is not a monday night drug
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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