i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
