Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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