i jhust puked up my retainher.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize