I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize