Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
