And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
