Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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