I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
