that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
