it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
