So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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