I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
