I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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