New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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