Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
