Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
