you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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