I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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