My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
