WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
how does that bad decision feel?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
