I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
