Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
