Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
