I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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