talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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