Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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