my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
