Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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