Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
