Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
