Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
