i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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