I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
