Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
