Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
