There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize