At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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