hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
