nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
