i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
