A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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