I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
