I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
