just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
