I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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