my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
