I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
