the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
