I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
