I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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