Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
