Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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