it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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