I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
