I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
