He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
