i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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