you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
