i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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