We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
