I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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