i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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