And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
