no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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