Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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