I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
