The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
