they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We left the knife in your bed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
