Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
