Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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