I'm going to jail i love you
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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